Do you ever wonder what white trash is thankful for? I didn't for a long time and then I saw the television show "My Name is Earl" and now I am getting in touch with my white trash roots. Everyone has white trash in their family. If they don't, it's because they themselves are the white trash. I have white trash cousins. In fact, some of my cousins are so trashy that proper white trash looks down on them. These are somethings I think white trash give thanks for:
Flip Flops with bows, flowers, and sequins: These fancy shoes can be worn to a bar on Saturday night with cut-off jeans and a leather halter top, and then to church on Sunday with that beautiful blue dress with the appliqued "yeller" roses. Also, black flip flops with silver or gold sequins can be worn to the funeral home when viewing a dearly departed family member.
Key chains and wallets that can be hooked to a belt: There's nothing that says white trash quicker than a shiny chrome key chain with a stretchy cord that hooks to a leather belt with the name burned in the back. If the belt was made by someone's brother, cousin, uncle, boyfriend, husband, or father during leather craft time at the state prison, it is not only a fashion statement , but a gift to be proud of. Wallets on a chain worn by men who don't ride motorcycles, but own 53 Harley Davidson t-shirts are in a fashion class all by themselves.
Lawn Ornaments: If you're driving down the road and see a yard full of plastic flowers , wishing wells, large plastic deer, brightly colored spinning whirly-gigs, and plywood cut-outs of a fat woman's ass bending over, there's a very good chance that white trash lives in that house. If it's a nice brick house with butterflys and birds nailed to the trim, that's a case of what happens "when white trash gets a dollar." My mother would point these things out as we were driving to the country to see "her" relatives. Of course, most of her family had at least one yard ornament to brag about.
Cars & Trucks with the owners name in the back "winder": I love to go to a red-neck white trash bars and see pickup trucks with elegant script written names on the back glass. The names are usually those of the driver and his beloved. I wonder if that's the white trash equivalent to a wedding ring.
Beer Can Christmas Trees: Craft-minded white trash make the "cutest" Christmas trees out of Bud and Bud Light beer cans. Starting with six cans on the bottom and reducing the number by one for each row going up, the need for a real Christmas tree is eliminated. Just spray paint the welded cans bright green and run a string a lights through the cans and people will be amazed at the beauty of this crafty idea.
It's fun to have white trash in your family. I always know that when I go out with my white trash relatives I'm going to have big fun. That is, until they all ball up in a fight at the bar and I have to go bail them out of jail. So, I guess this Thanksgiving I'm thankful that my mother and father weren't the trashy ones in the family.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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