Monday, November 14, 2005

New & Improved Weird Stuff In My Head

I tried to publish a post the other day titled "Weird Stuff In My Head" and somehow managed to lose it. Don't ask me how I did that, but I did. I'm wondering if my odd ramblings are floating through outer space looking for a home. Maybe someone turned on their computer and there was my post. It's a scary thought for who ever might accidentaly find it and not have an explanation to go with it. Trust me, sometimes I have some weird stuff stuck in my head!

Tonight's weird stuff episode involves odd sayings. Most of these sayings are ones I've heard all my life and I'm pretty sure members of my family invented them.

1. Whenever I would do something to ruin a plan my father had, he would say "That put the quietus on that." Quietus is pronounced: Qui E Tus I'm not real sure what a quietus is, but I know "acting a fool" or "showing your ass" will put the quietus on any fun situation pretty quickly.
2. My youngest brother (actually he's my cousin, but my mother raised him and we're real close) often complains with "severe skull cramps." I'm guessing his headaches are more painful than regular headaches and they cause his skull to cramp. Seems pretty severe to me.
3. Some of my favorite sayings have to do with being intoxicated. My family did not get drunk, they got: Tight; Stupid; Lit; Tore Up; Ignorant; Cut (doesn't necessesarily involve a fight); Looped; Flung; Slung; and my all time favorite - Out Of Your Box.
4. When I was younger and prone to spankings, my mother would tell us to act right or she would "tune our asses up." We never sang during a whipping, unless you could call the screaming and crying music and that was one song I never wanted to dance to.
5. As my father got older, his sayings became more colorful and closely related to health problems. At the age of 80, he found that his stomach was prone to act up. Several times I have come home from school and asked Daddy how his day was. Often times he would reply "It was a bad day. I couldn't leave the house because my ass was shooting water." I'm sure you can figure out his ailment.
6. My mother was in a great deal of pain during her last months of life. One time the home health care aid asked her how she felt. My mother looked up at her and in her most proper Southern voice said "I hurt so bad I could shit a squealing worm." I, myself, never want to hurt that bad. Passing the worm alone is enough to scare you to death.
7. My favorite aunt has the best saying I have ever heard. Whenever Aunt Muriel gets mad she says "That just makes my ass want to suck a lemon." How perfect is that? Sometimes, that describes your level of anger to a tea.

I'm sure there are more sayings and other weird stuff in my head, put right now I'm at a loss. I'm having severe skull cramps, my ass is trying to shoot water, and my dog is making me look for lemons. I need a nap.

1 comment:

Mommy said...

hahaha... I'm going to use some of those. :)